The end of fatherhood

Funny that I was engrossed in an online discussion about the "End of Men" yesterday. Talking esoterically about 'proper' gender roles and their importance to the social fabric of civilization was all fine and dandy. But today, the topic hits far too close to home.

Today I know my father is not the man I thought he was. Not only is he more irresponsible and selfish than I ever dreamed possible, he has forsaken first his wife and now his children in pursuit of fleeting whims and corporeal pleasure.

I only mention this very painful and personal fact because of its salience to the issue in question. Where are all the good men? I fear the vast majority will die out with my grandparents "Greatest Generation." Having not read The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw yet, I cannot attest to anything other than the anecdotal evidence of how badass my own grandparents are. But trust me, they are. One summer during the Great Depression my grandmother subsisted on scarce root vegetables and small vermin meat. My grandfather was at Pearl Harbor and served in the Navy. These are the rough and tumble makings of humble, hard-working and grateful individuals. The kind of productive and patriotic folk who to this day give more often than they receive and donate as much of their time to charitable causes both necessary and artistic. And despite maintaining a fairly traditional gender dynamic, they both respect and love each other immensely.

It started with the Baby Boomers eschewing American values of patriotism, hard work, and family. Hello rebellion.

Then much of Generation X was raised on a steady privileged diet of video games and the illusion that there is no such thing as failure. Much of this generation was also raised in faithless, broken homes which surprisingly turned out self-centered namby pamby youngsters. One commentator summed up the general exasperation with young men today on the Amspec blog yesterday:

As I watched my husband rip bushes out of the ground this weekend, using a pick ax and his bare hands to clear old brush, then head up to the roof to work on the chimney, then into the garage to do something with woodworking tools, then change the oil in my car, then pick up a bug using only one kleenex, then declog the drain in the kitchen, carry trees using one hand from the truck to the yard........I felt like a useless idiot, so I helped where I could.

This was just in one day.

Then I go to work and spend the day with soft, young men who wear Ipods and love to talk about women's make-up, Southpark and hairstyles. They don't know how to do things around the house, deal with gas lines, blowtorches or shoot a deer. They voted for Obama and think that conflict and anger should not touch life. They sport tattoos but have never serve in the Navy. They eat too many carbs and then moan about eating too many carbs. Their stomachs are plump at an early age and their hair is sprayed. Even their clothing is mauve or soft tan.

Masculinity does not exist without hair on the chest, dirt under the fingernails, and other behaviors which should not be mentioned on polite blogspace.

I think that we all need a little less in the things department and more basic struggle. It is coming soon - it may be here already.

A few months ago, I saw a documentary Generation Zero which predicts that we're on the cusp of another great crisis of the same ilk as the Civil War or Great Depression or WWII. I hope we aren't but nevertheless I look around and see such lazy, self-indulgent boys parading as men I fear it can only get worse!

Yes, I sound like a stodgy old lady and never fear I'm still libertarian, but this is why I can relate to conservatives: I value civil society. Civil society, tradition, family values all tie us together and holds us accountable so the government doesn't have to. When we are no longer capable of policing ourselves, the government will step in and with devastating effects.

So yes, if a crisis does occur, I shall blame in great part the demise of the masculine ideal: tough, hard-working, and protective. This MAN provides for and protects his family first and foremost. His needs come second. When men are not held accountable by church, family, and neighbor, their priorities become short-sighted and ephemeral. We all suffer for it.